Collide

I really feel like Hilary Duff in The Perfect Man, when she says she want's to move.
When Howie Day's "Collide" is playing.
I'm really wishing I were at an all girls boarding school right about now.
Molly and Clarice sometimes. They drive me nuts.
"Oh Lena, you're so asexual. You're so not open with your sexuality. But were just joking."
Well FUCK YOU! I'm one of the most sexually open people I know, and thats saying a lot being surrounded with 15 year olds.
I'm just not open with them, Because all they ever do is critize. And it drives me nuts.

So you wanna hear it?:
In junior high, it was okay. My friends were nice. Boys weren't really in the picture for anyone, so it didn't matter. Molly told us she was moving across the country. We were all devestated, but were all also secertly okay with it cuz it gave us breating space. Clarice and I decided to go to the high school on the other side of town, which is actually where I live. We were independent from everyone else. It was nice. We had guy friends. And girl friends. Alice was at the other high school. Alice, you see, is really complicated to explain. She kind of hates everyone, except for me and Molly. She is such a "all talk but no action" kinda girl. Anyways, in spring of freshman year, Molly told us she was moving back. We were all estastic, but secretly wished she would stay. Just a little part of us though. So Molly moved back in the summer, and went to the high school closest to hers. Not where me and Clarice went. Not where Alice went.
Sophomore year, this year, Clarice joined band. I normally wouldnt have a problem with that, but she's getting really caught up in their realm and her other friends are her last resort. Molly and I have a great friendship, but sometimes, shes so nosy and weird about things. Alice and I were close or freshman year, but kinda faded away cuz she was getting out of hand. I still talk to her and see her from time to time, but she really hurt Molly when Molly moved.
You see Alice and Molly were really close from the beginning of 8th grade to the middle/end. Alice basically told Molly all of the things she hated about her one day, and I didn't want to get hurt like Molly did.
So tonight, I find out Alice is now switching to my school. Of course she will never hang out with me, and be really weird. But who knows. Like I said, shes all talk. But sometimes she can fool you, I mean you never know with that girl. Then Molly tells me shes seriously thinking about switching. And becoming part of band. Which will leave me.
Abandoned.
I have other friends, Veronica and Blake, and Elisa. These are the ones that I actually hang out with.
The I have ones that I hang out with in school. But Its not the same.
I know I may sound selfish, but I don't want Molly to switch. Alice I wont ever see at school, so I don't really care. But Molly. That would kinda suck like a two dollar whore.
And boys.
I've decided I don't like Dusty anymore. Kinda obvious. Cedric, well, I would go out with him if he asked me out, but I'm not attracted to him.
Win. Well, tonite I told him I liked him over AIM and then said I was joking. But really, that would be weird. I mean, I've only met him once!

So here I am at 1 AM and seriously considering boarding school. Really kind of wanting to start over.
And now I feel so desprate, I'll say yes to anyone that asks me out. But thats typical for a teenager.

I keep thinking into the future. Thinking about how I only have 2 years 5 months left until College. Until I can escape. Or even further, when I will have friends that I go to jazzy clubs with when I'm twentysomething. And maybe the I'll have a nice boyfriend. Maybe then.

But until then, I'm stuck singing Jack Johnson's tune Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.
That's bascially my theme song.